I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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