The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
