It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
