I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
