we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
