Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
