the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
