dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
