Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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