you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
