imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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