What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dicks are not precious.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
