fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
