He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
