Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
