fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
