the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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