If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
