Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Randomize
