you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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