She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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