you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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