Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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