she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
