life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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