I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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