She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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