I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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