I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
