so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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