I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
