How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
