apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
