Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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