Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
