i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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