I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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