Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
