Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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