He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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