Got a toothbrush?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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