She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
