is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
