do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
