Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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