I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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