he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
