dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
