small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
