Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
