you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
