She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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