I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
