So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
