We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Text me some of your sweat
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
