Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
