I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Welp...herpes.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
