just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
