I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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